I dreamed last night that I went to Paris, and discovered that jumping was illegal there. I had to jump over a puddle, and was immediately pursued by cops. I went and hid in the Russian embassy (I'm not Russian). They had a sign on the men's toilet saying Adolf Hitler was banned from using it. Y'know, just in case he comes back from the dead and wants a piss in the Russian embassy.

I dreamed last night that aliens challenged Earth to a go-kart race to decide the fate of the planet. (I realise that's the plot of Crash Team Racing, but these aliens looked more like Skeksis.) The aliens rigged the race so that one of them would win, but I won anyway because I'm awesome. The shocked aliens declared that there were 'technical difficulties' with the race so the winner would be decided by vote. My own mother voted for Spiderman over me!

It's both liberating and stressful to realise you can just say anything to anyone. If someone asks 'How are you?' you can just say 'Plop plop plop plop' instead of anything sensible. I've never done that. But I could do that, and nobody could stop me, and nobody could do anything about it.

"What are your pronouns?"
"They're the short nouns deployed to avoid having to use my name all the time, but that's not important right now."

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