reaux @reaux@meemu.org

Hi! I’m Reaux, a 36 year old furry who lives in Delaware and works in IT! I live with my wife Tegan and our pets: two dogs (Pretzel, who is a pit mix, and Teddy, who is a Cavalier King Charles spaniel), three cats (Cricket, Pickles, and Birdie), and other small creatures (leopard gecko, snake, tarantulas).

We are poly and my other partner is Echo, who also lives in Delaware! Tegan’s other partner is Shadii, who lives in Maryland.

I draw a lot and I read a lot! Nice to meet you!

i wanna try pony play. i wanna be a HORSE. but i feel so shy about...everything . i feel like it would be fun and a cool way for me to feel "useful" and that it would also be calming in some kind of way.

tiny victory: faxed my leave paperwork to the psych office. also printed my W2 so i can finally file my taxes

on this instance, we hail satan

so! while frightening and overwhelming and stuff, mostly i am feeling very hopeful and positive. i don't care what they diagnose me with as long as having that label gives me access to treatment so i can live a normal life.

he tweaked my other meds too - higher klonopin twice a day, stuff like that. which makes me nervous because i know it's habit-forming and i don't want to run out (because i am awful at getting refills on time) and have a seizure or something, but i just gotta do better and stay on top of things

he is starting me on lithium. i have taken mood stabilizers before but i couldn't remember which, and i don't know why he picked that one, but whatever. he also asked if i'd be willing to do TMS, which i asked what that was - it's kind of like electro shock therapy but it uses magnets. it's a last resort for people like me, haha. i said yes, i'll try anything, i just want to be better. so we'll see if it comes to that or not

the past few days have been really rough for me. friday i left work early in the midst of a panic attack. at home i felt unable to do the most basic tasks. leaving the house was pretty terrifying. i had an appointment yesterday with my psychiatrist and while the appointment itself was scary and i spent most of it crying, i think it was productive. he suspects i am bipolar, which i have been diagnosed with in the past but then un-diagnosed, i guess

i'm really anxious today. it started while driving tegan to work and grew from there. for a little bit this morning i felt like i was gonna puke and spent time sitting in the bathroom. i still feel super tense but i think it's getting better. i wish i could go home.

so basically i would be able to call out sometimes but my job will be protected. so that would be a big help.

i put in for FMLA at work and i have an appointment with my psychiatrist to go over the paperwork and be approved on monday. i don't know why he wouldn't approve of it but i'm so nervous that he won't. i'm always scared that i'm faking it, or that people will think i'm faking it, or something like that, and he'll tell me i'm an idiot and to go do my stupid job and there's nothing wrong with me. which is not likely, but it's still a fear. the leave i filed for is intermittent

I drew penny (cervinesauce on twitter) 🦌🦌🦌

I’m doing these as YCHs! Pick a mood and I’ll draw your character :) $15!

A pensive bab

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i had an IT admin (basically a big boss, head of a dept in IT) sit with me for an hour to get a look at our process/workflow. she said i was very kind and patient. that was so nice!!!!! aaaaaahhh!!!! 😊

My coworker gave me this very cute stitch pop!!! She collects pops and she knows I love stitch